Anywhere but Here: 5 Brutally Honest Questions to Tell If You’re Escaping or Exploring

In my last article, I described my first solo trip to Peru.

I talked about what I learned, and how I grew as a person.

I detailed the adventures I had and the friends I made.

However, returning to your regularly scheduled programming can be difficult - especially if you’ve been on the road a long time.

In my mid-30s, I took an extended sabbatical from work.

I had money saved up. I was renting and living a minimalist lifestyle, so it wasn’t hard to give up my apartment and put my things in storage.

At the time, I was land surveying in Toronto - and hated it.

The traffic. The crowds. The company I was working for. My boss.

I wanted out - so I left, and set out to determine what I wanted to do in life.

My sister was living in Calgary at the time and was encouraging me to look into possibly moving to Alberta.

She and her boyfriend - now husband - had been there a few years and were really enjoying it.

I set out on the great Canadian road trip - driving through Ontario, Manitoba, and Saskatchewan all the way to Calgary.

I even made it all the way to the west coast to visit some friends and family members I hadn’t seen in years before returning to Alberta.

I lived in Calgary for about six months. During that time, I explored various options.

I looked into some entrepreneurial ventures - but found it hard to commit to anything.

I considered becoming a yoga instructor, as I have my teacher training certification.

I had some temp jobs surveying up north, but they only lasted a few weeks.

I made a few friends, and was even doing a little dating, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t settle in to the city.

When November rolled around, I was applying to surveying companies, but wintertime is their slow season and they weren’t hiring - so I left.

I bought a one way ticket to Managua, Nicaragua.

I had visited a Nicaraguan surf resort years ago, and wanted to take a more independent backpacking style trip.

I went to San Juan Del Sur, and tried to settle in.

However, I couldn’t get comfortable there, either.

I met a few people, but didn’t feel connected to anyone. I wanted to do a lot of surfing, but found myself pinging between exhaustion and boredom.

So instead, I decided to hit the road.

I could go north, or I could go south.

I thought about it for a minute, remembered that some friends from university live in Mexico City, and went north.

I crossed into Tegucigalpa, Honduras, and found the place to be unsafe, before quickly continuing to El Salvador.

I spent a couple weeks in the country, exploring San Salvador, Suchitoto, and Playa El Tunco.

Then I went to Guatemala, where I visited Antigua, Lago de Atitlan, and Flores.

Then I visited Belize, where I stayed in Belize City and Corozal.

I then went from one side of Mexico to the other.

I started in Cancún, and then went to Playa del Carmen, Tuluum, Mérida, Palenque, San Cristóbal de las Casas, Puerto Escondido, and Oaxaca before heading to the capital.

When I got to Mexico City, I was overwhelmed. It’s large, and there is much to see and do. I ended up staying for a month.

I caught up with my longtime friends from university.

I met some incredible women through dating apps - the kind I thought went extinct.

Passport bros - I get where you’re coming from. This experience completely changed my perception of dating and relationships.

I kept moving north, going to Real de Catorce, Monterrey, and finally Nuevo Laredo before crossing into America to catch a flight back to Calgary from Houston.

It was the trip of a lifetime. I visited six countries and saw historic sites, museums, art galleries, beaches, volcanoes, and landscapes.

I reconnected with long lost friends, and made several new ones.

Along the way, I read probably a dozen books, and my Spanish improved significantly.

But, it was time to go home.

While I was traveling, I wondered where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to do.

I chose to stick with surveying, and move to Guelph, Ontario.

I had some family there, plus my uncle was surveying at a local company he spoke highly of.

I landed an interview and made my way back to Ontario.

After getting the job, I rented an apartment and settled in to my new surroundings, but things soon became worse than they had ever been.

I had no friends, and had trouble meeting new people.

I tried various activities: yoga classes, guitar lessons, improv classes, but wasn’t able to bond or connect with anyone I met.

Adding to that problem, most of the time I was working by myself.

I would drop into the office at the beginning and end of each day, but the conversations were short and mostly about work.

I had a couple of shallow relationships with women I wasn’t serious about, and sometimes landed the occasional hookup - but that was sporadic.

The isolation was getting to me.

Making things worse, I was smoking pot daily from the time I got home until I went to bed. I started to use, and later abuse psychedelic drugs.

A lot of the internet content I was consuming wasn’t healthy - politics, current events, conspiracy theories, and the like.

The cold winters made things miserable.

After a few years, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted out.

I quit my job - which even though it had issues, was the healthiest thing I had going in my life at the time.

I moved out of my apartment, and got rid of most of my possessions.

I was going to move back to Mexico City and stay there - with no plan, no job, and no business to work on.

Needless to say, it went poorly.

I reconnected with one of the girls I dated the first time I was there. Maybe it would work this time.

I met up with my old friends - except now we found ourselves drinking excessively, and would argue more often.

I would take off on excursions, sometimes on my own, or during weekends with my girlfriend - Guadalajara, Tequila, Puerto Vallarta, Sayulita, Querétaro, Taxco, Veracruz - but they didn’t hold the same magic as the first time.

Within six months, I was feeling the same way about Mexico City that I felt when I left Toronto.

I was done with the crowds on the subway. The traffic jams. The crime. The little annoyances.

The only thing I was enjoying was the food.

Also, the money was beginning to run out.

It was time to return home. I felt so defeated.

I emailed my old boss and asked if I could work for him again. Thankfully, he accepted me back.

This time, when I returned, I did things differently.

I knew the way I was previously living was unacceptable and if I continued on as I did, the results would be the same.

Rather than live on my own, I found an advertisement from someone renting out a bedroom in a townhouse.

She had a boyfriend, and he had a lot of friends. We managed to get along pretty well for a while.

I signed up for a nearby gym, and started going everyday - taking it seriously.

Eventually, I moved out and got my own place.

I quit smoking weed and using psychedelics.

Later on, I joined the Orthodox Church - where I got plugged into a community full of likeminded people and made some real friends.

All of this is to illustrate the differences between traveling with purpose: to find yourself and see what you’re made of, versus traveling to escape the shitty life you created.

My first trip through Latin America was rewarding, exciting, educational, challenging and enriched my soul.

The second trip cost me more than time and money - it strained friendships, dulled my purpose, and left me feeling more lost than when I began.

How do you know if your travels are worthy, or just escapism? Here are some questions to ask yourself. Be honest:

1. What do you hope this trip will fix?

Do you want to challenge yourself? Gain clarity? Explore new possibilities? Or do you want to fix your boredom, heartbreak, or dissatisfaction with your life?

2. Am I running towards something, or am I running away from something?

Escapism says “Anywhere but here”, whereas purpose says “There’s something I’m looking for, and I hope to find part of it out there.”

3. How will you feel if nothing exciting happens on this trip?

If you’re chasing novelty, adrenaline, sex, or partying, then you’re most likely trying to escape. When you travel with purpose, you can embrace peaceful solitude, quiet reflection, and discomfort.

4. Does this trip align with my long-term goals and values?

How will you feel five years after this trip? Will you notice a difference, or will it be a blur of different locations and parties? If you want purpose and meaning, does this trip reflect that? How?

5. Who do you want to be at the end of this trip?

If you can answer that in a way you find satisfactory, then your trip probably has a purpose. If you’re struggling, then maybe you should reevaluate your decision.

At the end of the day, it’s your time and money. You get to decide how you’re going to use it.

Years later, when you look back at your travels, you’ll feel proud, or full of regret.

It’s completely up to you.

Be sure to make the right choice.

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Thanks for reading.

God Bless.